An Actual Conversation That Just Took Place Between Me and Bartender Dude Not Five Minutes Ago

[Chanelbaby]:  Hello?  Baby?  Are you driving?

[Bartender Dude]: Uh, yeah, I'm driving home.  I'm almost there.  I just called you like five minutes ago from the restaurant.

[Chanelbaby]: Okay well I'm sorry butI'mnakedandI'mcoldandIcan'tfindmy PEEEJAAAYYYYS!!!

[Bartender Dude]: (pause)

[Bartender Dude]: Are they on the chair?

[Chanelbaby]: (whimpering pause) Nooooo....

[Bartender Dude]: (another pause)

[Bartender Dude]: Oh, you put them in the guest room.

I ask you, can the man be real?  Is this even fair?  I don't know what I did in a former life to get this lucky in love, but I MUST have thrown myself in front of a train to save orphaned, parapelegic babies, thus saving them from their crack-dealing pimp.